Thought

Life’s surprises!

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Life is always filled with magic’s and surprises as we used to read in fairy tales. Be it a positive or a negative turn, it takes us by surprise on every single turn. Life is relentlessly unpredictable.

There were times when people used to say some things to me like:

“Don’t you even know how to address someone in English? Shame on you being a Josephite”

“What are you reading? Study your academics. These fairy tales wouldn’t feed you in future”

“What are you scribbling all over your notebook? Do you really call them poems huh? What a waste of time. Do something worthy instead”

“Getting education in a convent is not just enough. You must learn to read, write and speak in English fluently. Hope your mother is wasting money on you”

“Hey, what do you know about a computer? Do not touch it. Just watch me work”

“Why the hell are you wasting money over such useless things? Who’s gonna see all these things you do? Just clear the room and don’t dare to spend money over such things again”

“Ahh… Don’t take your Digi cam. It irritates us to see you roll over the road clicking pictures random”

I was not an intelligent student during my school days and let’s say it even now. Being an average student in my academics, I have various other interests from my childhood such as reading, writing, crafting and photographing. But things just don’t go well with a girl growing from a small town where grades are the only identity of an individual during his/her school days. And obviously I was such a loser in boosting my identity among my society. Seeing my mother worried about my so-called identity aspect among the neighbors and relatives, I have to get back onto the track running for grades and on its way I was forced to leave behind my interests and passion.

As I have mentioned earlier, Life is always filled with magic’s and surprises and also life is unpredictable. I do realize it and am actually experiencing it for the past few years. After completing my MBA, I began working as a Content Writer which actually an unexpected career given by my organization with their confidence on my writing skills. That was when I discovered that I still have the ability to write and someone actually like what I write and thus started developing my interest in writing.

Being a Customer Relationship Coordinator as well, I had to speak with clients from domestic and international, which is where I found I don’t actually suck communicating in English.

I was also asked to write hundreds of business E-Mails for the same person who said me not to touch the computer as I was bullied of not knowing even how to switch on the monitor. And now, I have been asked for help with all kind of technological gadgets for them.

Seeing me do some good craft works even made my mother say that am not actually wasting money over those things.

And finally, I am being positively commented for my photographs by the same people and the best part is though am just a beginner in photography, there are people who ask me for suggestions and tips which leaves me bewildered.

As far as I am concerned, I might not be an expert on all the above things, but still am not a dumb-ass just like the others portrayed me on their minds earlier. I may not be successful in choosing a better career that offers me lakhs but still I love what am doing and I would continue learning and developing my interests into an enduring passion.

I simply think, my passion for these things make me feel lively and evident in this planet.

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Celebrating the silver jubilee of my birthday!

Hiya guys!

You could have guessed what this post is all about.  Yes. It’s just 6 more days to go for me to turn 26years. So it’s a post for summarizing the whole 25 years of my life on this earth.

Just before few hours I received a text from a friend of mine telling me to treat him for I am going to celebrate the successful completion of my 25 years.  Haha yeah I should actually do that by throwing a party but I don’t know what could I probably choose to tell as a reason for celebration.

Should I say that I have achieved something?  Nah. That would be a big fat lie.
Or should I say that I have at least made something remarkable for someone to remember me? Hmm yeah maybe.  But I bet that’s not gonna be in a positive way either.

So that is what hinders me from celebrating my birthdays be it 25th or whatever.  But after thinking over these I started making a list of the have’s and have not’s of mine after all these successful 25years. Let me just list down those for you 🙂

HAVE’S:

1. I do have few people around me who I think really cares about me at least to say “I Love You” whether they really mean it or not.

2. I now have a life of my own to decide upon like how am going to live.

3. I have some courage to face the problems however tougher it maybe by still surviving.

4. I have a DSLR, which is keeping me feel lively with its help in making me take better pictures and to make people notice me.

5. I have a big deal of confidence that am not gonna die sooner leaving me no choice than to make my living with some career which I haven’t chosen yet.

6. I have few books which makes me think and make few changes to my thoughts about everything in and around me. I learn something from each book I read and the question is do I follow it. But for that I’ll have to write another post which can be done later 😉

7. I do have a passion for crafting and writing which is yet to be improvised a lot.

So as far my analysis I have o ly these 7 important things in my life.  So let’s look for the have not’s.

HAVE NOT’S:

1. I don’t have my father with me which is my biggest loss of my life and am still working on it to set everything right without his help, but the truth hits hard sometimes by proving that I need help from my father.  But lets never mind because that’s not gonna happen anyhow.

2. I don’t have a guide to lead me, which is why I go wrong making mistakes over and over all my life.

3. I don’t have a good rapport with the people who actually love’s me. Somehow I mess things up, though how hard I try to retain a relationship I end up breaking it myself. I sometimes prefer to be alone rather being with someone and ending up hurting them.

4. I don’t have the boldness to speak out what I think. It leaves me being a stupid all my life.

5. I don’t have the ability to take a decision that is supported by at least few. Or the ability to convince people to accept my decisions.

6. I don’t have an exact idea of how many people love’s me and how many don’t. 

7. I don’t have a job or a clear career prospect as of now.

8. I don’t have any savings of my own. Though money and other materialistic things can be earned or not earned which doesn’t concerns me much, I still need to save a lot of money to fulfill my goal.

9. I don’t have a group of friends to hang out with or understanding relatives to share my thoughts with or spend some family time. I find everyone looking for something to get for themselves which makes me stay away from most of them.

10. I haven’t made my mother proud of me even once in her lifetime and instead I have let her down a lot.

11. I don’t have the confidence or positive attitude just like people refer to me as ‘a girl of negative thoughts’.

12. I don’t have a proper place to sit in silence for hours or cry out loud to vent out my feelings which makes me feel more stressed out. 

13. Finally,  I don’t have trust on people even if they are trying to be nice due to the insecured thoughts which doesn’t allow me to love people anymore the way I used to do in my early life. Just because of few bad experiences.

So the have not’s have exceeded the count of the have’s as usual 😉

But from this new year eve I have tried to make few changes to myself which may be seen by the next year. Until then let me not keep on speak over the have not’s in which few can be changed too 🙂

With this post what I meant to say is, I haven’t done anything to celebrate my silver jubilee for my birthday and it’s going to be just another passing day of my life.

No celebration. No parties. No treats. :-p

But ready to accept all your heartfelt wishes on this 25th birthday 🙂

A serene masterpiece

I was walking to the railway station after a tiring day at my office and I found every petite thing making me feel annoying. I found the station flooded with people and at that very instant I was haunted with the thought of how my approximately half an hour travel to home is going to be. I peevishly moved along the counter and got my tickets hardly after 15 odd minutes.

As I moved towards the platform I heard the sweet automated voice of a lady announcing the departure of the train that in another 5 minutes. I hurried through the mob and finally got into the train. I felt a huge sigh of relief. I pooled over the compartment of people and found some space to fit myself comfortably which was near the other end of the exit. I wearily leaned over the rear of the passenger seat. I could feel gust of wind brushing my hair viciously along with the speed of the train.

I slowly rolled over my eyes catching the glimpses of the crowd inside that compartment. At that very instance my eyes were found  glued up with a girl. She might be in her early 20’s. She had a good profile. She was wearing a blue jean with a vibrant kurta which increased her dusky skin tone and revealed her tranquilly attractive. She was sitting opposite to me so that she is quiet noticeable to me apart from the entirely distracting crowd. I suddenly had an urge to watch her more intensely as I found myself being hooked towards her for some mysterious reason.

I had to move aside a little to get her clear view. I, usually, am quiet interested in noticing every innate details of a person and even now am focusing over her to find more of her. She had an earphone on her perfectly shaped ears and was hearing some sad song I thought as her face looked quiet unhappy. She had no much make-up to make her good-looking face look synthetic. Her lip gloss which perfectly merged with her complexion gave a perfectly natural look. She had kajal and eyeliner around her eyes which made her small eyes look appealing. She had a pale brown eyeball in the middle of her purely white eyes which made her eyes look stunningly beautiful when she rotates her eyes every now and then.  God! She is quiet a girl I whispered.

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Suddenly she was found restless. I couldn’t still resist looking at her eyes and I could see her eyes getting moist and she literally had tears in her eyes which she was trying hard to stop but finally lost in her battle and a drop of tear rolled over from her dazzling eyes and fell over her cheeks followed by another drop of tear which she abruptly stopped with her beautiful long fingers. She must be in some pain I thought. What-so-ever be it, in my whole 26 years of life I haven’t seen a girl crying so gracefully and I fell so in love with her tears. I haven’t ever thought even in my dreams that a girl’s crying could be so beautiful and I would actually get melted in along with her tears. I have seen many girls cry and I would find them look weird with tears in their eyes which will ruin their face make-up and then you could guess the rest. But this girl was such a painting and I found her totally graceful and an impeccable creation of God.

But I felt bewildered to see a girl crying in a public place not anxious about the people around her over some anonymous song or it might be some other reason too. What is more surprising was I am actually not concerned over her reason for the tears but instead I was just admiring her beauty even in her melancholy. I am in no state to go and ask her the details regarding her pain behind her tears being a complete stranger which would leave her baffled with a pang over me for watching her all this time. Thus I chose to be a silent spectator. I spent the rest of my 10 minutes with her by just watching her humming over some song from her playlist with a cute smile along with a sting of pain lingering in her eyes.

The train halted at my station and I alighted with a nostalgic feeling. When the train slowly started to move I just turned back and got a glimpse of her serene face and found her deeply immersed in her songs which left me with a sweet smile over my lips and a peace in my heart. Women are sure a stunning painting of God with mixed emotions, I thought once again as I walked back home happily.

Shine on Award!!!

Moniba, the blogger of the blog http://theordinaryblog2.wordpress.com has nominated me for ‘Shine On’ award!!!

Its so exciting and encouraging when I find people reading my blog first of all… And its just fabulous to see some of my readers nominating me and my blog for an award… Though i have started my blog with no readers at all, i am quiet happy that i had made few good readers to drop in to my blog somehow 🙂 So one such loveable blogger is Moniba and am really feeling excited in getting the award which she has nominated me for 🙂

As far as her award it says me to SHINE ON… yeah, am sure trying myself to shine on how much ever i could 🙂 Thanks a lot to you Moniba 🙂

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And here is the list of blogggers whom iwould like to pass on tis award to whom i would love to Shine On along with me 🙂 If you already received it please do forgive me 🙂

1. http://annasarp.wordpress.com

2. http://itsmythoughts11.wordpress.com/

3. http://chicpress.wordpress.com/

4. http://readingthroughmymind.wordpress.com/

5. http://knisha.wordpress.com

6. http://bindujohnroy.wordpress.com/

7. http://kenthinksaloud.wordpress.com/

8. http://hannawilburs.wordpress.com/

9. http://cosytravels.wordpress.com/

10. http://insanebloom.wordpress.com/

This award must be given to everyone in my blogroll but regarding the award rules only 10 of the bloggers has to be nominated so i had to choose these friends to this award and i wish each and everyone in my blog list to SHINEON in their blogging 🙂

Happy Weekend 🙂

HAKUNA MATATA!!!

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HAKUNA MATATA means NO WORRIES…

I use this phrase very often in my life when I still knew that there is no life without worries…

Every person has to live their life irrespective of whatever happens in their life…

When I used to be a child I don’t think I would have any worries… But when I think deep I could realize that I too was worried about various instances like losing my pencil, crying for a Barbie doll, starting up silly fights with our friends etc.,But these worries make us smile whenever we think about it.. If all our worries could make us smile one day which makes us to cherish our memories how pleasant it would be…

Though we think of having such sweet memories of worries we still have some painful worries which will turn out to be haunting memories when we recollect them… I have one such worry which still stays the same or even gets increased whenever I think of it… I was in my 6th grade… I was in my first day of class when my new class teacher introduced herself and asked each and every student in the class to get introduced with basic information’s. All my friends were saying about their name, their parents name, what is their parents occupation and where they are coming from. When it was my turn I just started off with my name, my mom’s name, my uncles name, what my mom is doing, what my uncle is doing that’s when the teacher stopped me and said,

“Child, you must also include your father’s name and occupation so that we could get to know him too”

I was really puzzled like what I have to say and how to say because all I knew about a father is that his name and that I don’t have one.

“Miss, I don’t have father, I dono where he is because my mother said he expired. I only know my uncle, my mother, grandmother and aunt” I said.

I think the teacher understood what I was trying to say, so she passed on to the next student without any further questions. But I was not able to let it go off so easily. Till my 5th grade none of my teachers used to ask me anything about my father and so I had no chance of thinking about him. And when my friends speak about their father I always remember speaking about my uncle. As I had my uncle I didn’t worry much about not having a father. But then I understood that I am a grownup girl and I have to get to know about my father. Since then I was trying to investigate about my father at my home every now and then by asking about my father to my grandma who only speaks about him to me as the others never speak off him thinking I would start yearning for his love. Though I asked many questions to my grandma she answered only a few which was not enough for me.

“Grandma, where is my dad?”

“He is in heaven baby”

Why he went there?”

“Because God wanted him to be with him so he took him”

“But we also want dad na? I always find my friend’s father’s dropping them at school, buying them all they need. But only uncle or mom drops me or buy me what I need. I also want dad to buy and give me toys na? God doesn’t have his own dad huh?”

“No dear. A good person always goes soon to God to serve him. Whatever you need you just ask us because your father left you with us to do all the things he needs to do”

“Will my dad look like Lord Ganesha?”

“No dear. But you can always find you dad’s presence near Lord Ganesha”

Though I have seen my parent’s wedding album after my 10th grade I used to think of him every single time when I pray Lord Ganesha. I felt happy and even proud that only my dad got the chance to stay near God while others dad where not able to go and I haven’t said this to anyone though.

We find our self more innocent in our childhood days once when we grow up. What once we thought of a gift turns out to be a terrible pain by hitting us with the reality harder than we think.

When I was growing I slowly realized that I was a girl who’s father expired 3 months before her birth by getting all kinds of curse’s from the merciless world for being born with her father killed. Every relative I knew knowingly or unknowingly blamed me for my father’s death which made me think me as a murderer. At this time I also lost my grandma who used to speak with me about my father. I had no courage to go and ask my mother about this thinking she would be worried.

But an incident before few days made me heart-breaking. My dad’s big brother fell sick and expired due to unhealthy diet. When I went for the funeral every single person who came there saw me and expressed their grief in the same manner saying “You lost your father before your birth. But how unlucky, you lost your uncle too now”… The truth is my uncle doesn’t even care about me or my mother till his death which I was surprised to find not even a single person could understand.

Above all my aunt (my passed away uncle’s wife) started crying when she saw me saying “you killed your father and now see you have also killed your uncle. What is my family going to do without your uncle?”

I was into a great shock. How on earth could I be the reason for killing my dad and my uncle? My dad met with an accident unfortunately and my uncle had very bad eating habits which was the real reasons. But still I had to take the blame of killing two people in my family which makes me feel real bad.

When such things have to happen in our life only then we are not able to digest the phrase “HAKUNA MATATA” because though we think of not letting any worries stay in our mind or letting the worries go off there are some worries which creates a painful memory in our heart making us remember these moments or worries every single minute of our life.

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But still I try to get out of these by uttering this phrase very often. And it is my wallpaper in my mobile and lap too with a hope off making my worries into NO WORRIES…

HAKUNA MATATA!!!