Solitude

I was heavily drenched with sweat all over my body when i woke up. It was unusal of me getting dreams and on recent days am getting encountered with nightmares. Not knowing the exact reason, of the entirely different place am staying that creeps me out during night making me feel like am trying to sleep in the middle of a forest which is filled with weird noises from various insects whose names are even not able to be identified by me by keeping me awake most of the time or the issues that am dealing in my life in the recent days that affects both my physical and mental well-being, i was lying there wide awake trying to recall the sequence of the nightmare that i was living in before few minutes. I failed in remembering asusual.

Washing away the unwanted thoughts aside, i began getting ready for college. I don’t find going to college interesting these days. I prefer staying at home and moreover i prefer staying alone at home instead of roaming around the college alone where once i used to have happier days with my so called friends. But time changes and so do people. I’ve changed a lot since the past few weeks.

Am not used to go out for shopping alone but i have discovered that in times of despair shopping that too shopping all alone by myself makes me feel good by giving me the confidence that i could atleast be able to do something on my own for my own self.

And the most difficult thing which i haven’t even given a single thought of doing all these years has taught me that its not that hard doing it. It’s going to the college cafeteria or some restaurant alone to fill my hungrystomach. In the beginning it was too hard even to chew the food and thus i forced myself in swallowing it. But as days passed by i found there’s no big offense in taking time to chew the food trying to enjoy the simple taste and aroma of it and also watching the people around you and not minding the unusual stares of some known people who doesn’t have a clue of me being alone.

I have recently completed reading “The Forty Rules of Love” by Elif Shafak. I took hardly around 3 full months to complete this book. Not because i was not interested in this book or its contents but i was not having concentration in whatever i do and thus it kept me dragging and atlast i have completed the book last week. I am thankful to my friend who insisted me to read this book. If it has not been insisted, i might have missed one of the biggest fortune in my life.

Yeah. This book is actually a fortune for a person like me who is easily broken with every single downfall that life offers. But once with the completion of the book i was spellbound and i was able to associate myself and the various situations of my life with the Forty Rules that is given by Shams of Tabriz. With my current situation i would like to associate myself with the sixth rule of Shams.

“Loneliness and solitude are two different things. When you are lonely, it is easy to delude yourself into believing that you are on the right path. Solitude is better for us, as it means being alone without feeling lonely. But eventually it is the best to find a person who will be your mirror. Remember only in another person’s heart can you truly see yourself and the presence of God within you”

The slightest changes of my life happens whenever i read each inspiring book. With this book and with the rules of shams i have been trying to keep myself in solitude instead of being merely lonely. And eventually according to Shams its better to find a person who will be your mirror, i guess i haven’t found anyone yet who is like my mirror and also seeking such qualities in a person seems to be a lot easier said than done according to me. Who knows? Even this thought of me might get changed when i come accross such a person where i can truely see myself in his/her heart. For now, with a very few good, supporting and lovable people around me i’m trying to enjoy my solitude instead of frowning over the unpleasant happenings with the people i loved.

I would like to end up this post with Shams seventh rule.

“Whatever happens in your life, no matter how troubling things might seem, do not enter the neighbourhood of despair. Even when all doors remain closed, God will open up a new path only for you. Be thankful! It is easy to be thankful when all is well. A Sufi is thankful not only for what he has been given but also for all that he has been denied”

Though am not a Sufi i could simply be thankful as a human being. And thanks to Elif Shafak for giving out such an excellent work which inspires people like me to get to know the legends like Rumi and Shams and learning a lot by travelling along their path.

Happy solitude!!!

A serene masterpiece

I was walking to the railway station after a tiring day at my office and I found every petite thing making me feel annoying. I found the station flooded with people and at that very instant I was haunted with the thought of how my approximately half an hour travel to home is going to be. I peevishly moved along the counter and got my tickets hardly after 15 odd minutes.

As I moved towards the platform I heard the sweet automated voice of a lady announcing the departure of the train that in another 5 minutes. I hurried through the mob and finally got into the train. I felt a huge sigh of relief. I pooled over the compartment of people and found some space to fit myself comfortably which was near the other end of the exit. I wearily leaned over the rear of the passenger seat. I could feel gust of wind brushing my hair viciously along with the speed of the train.

I slowly rolled over my eyes catching the glimpses of the crowd inside that compartment. At that very instance my eyes were found  glued up with a girl. She might be in her early 20’s. She had a good profile. She was wearing a blue jean with a vibrant kurta which increased her dusky skin tone and revealed her tranquilly attractive. She was sitting opposite to me so that she is quiet noticeable to me apart from the entirely distracting crowd. I suddenly had an urge to watch her more intensely as I found myself being hooked towards her for some mysterious reason.

I had to move aside a little to get her clear view. I, usually, am quiet interested in noticing every innate details of a person and even now am focusing over her to find more of her. She had an earphone on her perfectly shaped ears and was hearing some sad song I thought as her face looked quiet unhappy. She had no much make-up to make her good-looking face look synthetic. Her lip gloss which perfectly merged with her complexion gave a perfectly natural look. She had kajal and eyeliner around her eyes which made her small eyes look appealing. She had a pale brown eyeball in the middle of her purely white eyes which made her eyes look stunningly beautiful when she rotates her eyes every now and then.  God! She is quiet a girl I whispered.

Suddenly she was found restless. I couldn’t still resist looking at her eyes and I could see her eyes getting moist and she literally had tears in her eyes which she was trying hard to stop but finally lost in her battle and a drop of tear rolled over from her dazzling eyes and fell over her cheeks followed by another drop of tear which she abruptly stopped with her beautiful long fingers. She must be in some pain I thought. What-so-ever be it, in my whole 26 years of life I haven’t seen a girl crying so gracefully and I fell so in love with her tears. I haven’t ever thought even in my dreams that a girl’s crying could be so beautiful and I would actually get melted in along with her tears. I have seen many girls cry and I would find them look weird with tears in their eyes which will ruin their face make-up and then you could guess the rest. But this girl was such a painting and I found her totally graceful and an impeccable creation of God.

But I felt bewildered to see a girl crying in a public place not anxious about the people around her over some anonymous song or it might be some other reason too. What is more surprising was I am actually not concerned over her reason for the tears but instead I was just admiring her beauty even in her melancholy. I am in no state to go and ask her the details regarding her pain behind her tears being a complete stranger which would leave her baffled with a pang over me for watching her all this time. Thus I chose to be a silent spectator. I spent the rest of my 10 minutes with her by just watching her humming over some song from her playlist with a cute smile along with a sting of pain lingering in her eyes.

The train halted at my station and I alighted with a nostalgic feeling. When the train slowly started to move I just turned back and got a glimpse of her serene face and found her deeply immersed in her songs which left me with a sweet smile over my lips and a peace in my heart. Women are sure a stunning painting of God with mixed emotions, I thought once again as I walked back home happily.

HAKUNA MATATA!!!

HAKUNA MATATA means NO WORRIES…

I use this phrase very often in my life when I still knew that there is no life without worries…

Every person has to live their life irrespective of whatever happens in their life…

When I used to be a child I don’t think I would have any worries… But when I think deep I could realize that I too was worried about various instances like losing my pencil, crying for a Barbie doll, starting up silly fights with our friends etc.,But these worries make us smile whenever we think about it.. If all our worries could make us smile one day which makes us to cherish our memories how pleasant it would be…

Though we think of having such sweet memories of worries we still have some painful worries which will turn out to be haunting memories when we recollect them… I have one such worry which still stays the same or even gets increased whenever I think of it… I was in my 6^th grade… I was in my first day of class when my new class teacher introduced herself and asked each and every student in the class to get introduced with basic information’s. All my friends were saying about their name, their parents name, what is their parents occupation and where they are coming from. When it was my turn I just started off with my name, my mom’s name, my uncles name, what my mom is doing, what my uncle is doing that’s when the teacher stopped me and said,

“Child, you must also include your father’s name and occupation so that we could get to know him too”

I was really puzzled like what I have to say and how to say because all I knew about a father is that his name and that I don’t have one.

“Miss, I don’t have father, I dono where he is because my mother said he expired. I only know my uncle, my mother, grandmother and aunt” I said.

I think the teacher understood what I was trying to say, so she passed on to the next student without any further questions. But I was not able to let it go off so easily. Till my 5^th grade none of my teachers used to ask me anything about my father and so I had no chance of thinking about him. And when my friends speak about their father I always remember speaking about my uncle. As I had my uncle I didn’t worry much about not having a father. But then I understood that I am a grownup girl and I have to get to know about my father. Since then I was trying to investigate about my father at my home every now and then by asking about my father to my grandma who only speaks about him to me as the others never speak off him thinking I would start yearning for his love. Though I asked many questions to my grandma she answered only a few which was not enough for me.

“Grandma, where is my dad?”

“He is in heaven baby”

Why he went there?”

“Because God wanted him to be with him so he took him”

“But we also want dad na? I always find my friend’s father’s dropping them at school, buying them all they need. But only uncle or mom drops me or buy me what I need. I also want dad to buy and give me toys na? God doesn’t have his own dad huh?”

“No dear. A good person always goes soon to God to serve him. Whatever you need you just ask us because your father left you with us to do all the things he needs to do”

“Will my dad look like Lord Ganesha?”

“No dear. But you can always find you dad’s presence near Lord Ganesha”

Though I have seen my parent’s wedding album after my 10^th grade I used to think of him every single time when I pray Lord Ganesha. I felt happy and even proud that only my dad got the chance to stay near God while others dad where not able to go and I haven’t said this to anyone though.

We find our self more innocent in our childhood days once when we grow up. What once we thought of a gift turns out to be a terrible pain by hitting us with the reality harder than we think.

When I was growing I slowly realized that I was a girl who’s father expired 3 months before her birth by getting all kinds of curse’s from the merciless world for being born with her father killed. Every relative I knew knowingly or unknowingly blamed me for my father’s death which made me think me as a murderer. At this time I also lost my grandma who used to speak with me about my father. I had no courage to go and ask my mother about this thinking she would be worried.

But an incident before few days made me heart-breaking. My dad’s big brother fell sick and expired due to unhealthy diet. When I went for the funeral every single person who came there saw me and expressed their grief in the same manner saying “You lost your father before your birth. But how unlucky, you lost your uncle too now”… The truth is my uncle doesn’t even care about me or my mother till his death which I was surprised to find not even a single person could understand.

Above all my aunt (my passed away uncle’s wife) started crying when she saw me saying “you killed your father and now see you have also killed your uncle. What is my family going to do without your uncle?”

I was into a great shock. How on earth could I be the reason for killing my dad and my uncle? My dad met with an accident unfortunately and my uncle had very bad eating habits which was the real reasons. But still I had to take the blame of killing two people in my family which makes me feel real bad.

When such things have to happen in our life only then we are not able to digest the phrase “HAKUNA MATATA” because though we think of not letting any worries stay in our mind or letting the worries go off there are some worries which creates a painful memory in our heart making us remember these moments or worries every single minute of our life.

But still I try to get out of these by uttering this phrase very often. And it is my wallpaper in my mobile and lap too with a hope off making my worries into NO WORRIES…

HAKUNA MATATA!!!

Happy Pongal 2012!

Hello All!!!

Its atinytoes wishing you all a happy and prosperous Pongal 🙂 🙂 🙂

I am going to celebrated all the four days and let me meet you all on 18th 🙂 Take care and Enjoy 🙂

Four Days of Pongal Celebrations

Day One – Bhogi
The celebrations of Pongal festival start with Bhogi/Bogi, which usually falls on 13th of January. One day prior to Bhogi, the households are clean, so that the premises become pious for the celebrations. People wake up early in the morning, take bath and make beautiful designs of kolam at the verandah of their home. On this day, people worship Sun God and agricultural equipments that are used to cut the crop. Thereafter, they would use the equipments to cut their paddy crop, which would ready to harvest. On Bhogi, people throw unwanted and old materials into fire, which symbolizes the end of old things and the beginning of the new.
Day Two – Surya Pongal
The second day is the main day of Pongal festival and is celebrated as Surya Pongal. On this day, people wake up early in the morning, take bath and worship Sun God. Women would draw beautiful kolam at the entrance of their house. New rice, which was harvested in the previous day, is cooked on Surya Pongal. A new clay pot is used for the purpose. The rice is cooked with milk and jaggery, over the stove, in an open area.
The Pongal thus made is offered to Sun God. The rice-milk-jaggery mixture is allowed to boil well, until the rice falls. This is termed as Pongal. When the boiled Pongal overflows the pot, people would say loudly ‘Pongalo Pongal’! After the Pongal is offered to Sun God, people would relish on several Pongal dishes that are prepared especially for the day and then greet each other, wishing a very happy Pongal.

Day Three – Mattu Pongal
Mattu Pongal is the third day of the festival. This day is dedicated to farm animals including cow and ox, because they help the farmers to raise a crop and harvest it, successfully. On Mattu Pongal, the farm animals are bathed and then adorned in a beautiful way. Their horns are often painted and garland is wrapped around the horns. After applying tilak on the forehead of the cattle, people would offer Pongal to the animal. The farmers often take their farm animals for a round in the entire village.
Day Four – Kaanum Pongal
The fourth and the last day of Pongal is known as Kaanum Pongal. In some parts of Tamil Nadu, Kaanum Pongal is also known as Karinaal. Sun God is worshipped on the day and people offer food along with Sarkarai Pongal. Sugarcane is offered to the deity as well as exchange among people to symbolize sweetness and joy in life. Kaanum Pongal is the time for people to pay visits to their loved ones and faraway acquaintances. Pongal songs and folk dances are performed by people, on Kaanum Pongal.