Month: December 2013

Perfect year of an imperfectionist!!!

It was 6.00A.M when I woke up. I found my mom waiting for breakfast already. She had a fracture in the right hand once again before a week and from then I’ve taken up the responsibility of my house. I finished doing the breakfast and fed her and started preparing for lunch. After some solid 4 hours I have completed with my works and returned to my room a bit tired. I am not used to such a lifestyle. I am a perfect example for an imperfect girl!

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Yeah!

It’s been years since I’ve seen crack of dawn. I doze behind schedule as a rule. I am a slow-person you can call me lazy otherwise. I don’t have healthy eating habits. I am plump. I don’t dress well. I don’t take care of myself for good. I walk wobbly. I don’t study well. I’m not in the pink. I hate taking up responsibilities in households. I mess with my relationships. I speak rubbish. I don’t have long-lasting friends. I easily forget, dodge and hurt people. I suck at decision making. I’ve lost track of my career wondering over a pond of unbosoming flowers. I haven’t made my mother proud. A good number of guy’s hate me and so do a lot of girls and the reason is by and large known and hardly unknown too. I act weird more often than not. I am left good to stay alone. I am a spoiled kid now and then.

As like every other year, 2013 started with a new set of resolutions that are to be listed in not-to-be-overlooked-again-list. I had lost interest doing my course as I found the institution less worthy and so are the people around me. The month of February welcomed me with a series of unexpected events making me collapse. Losing 26k with my recklessness, following with my mom’s wrist fracture and relationship issues led me to a hell-lot-of-stress for more than 6months. I was losing faith in my life. I thought that 2013 hold up so much grudge over me and I was unsure of how long I could hold on to the last loop that binds me to the body and soul. The humans are uncertain about what the future beholds. Being a slow-on-the-uptake-person I was facing ups and downs every day. One day ends up serene while the other dawns skeptically ominous.

 But then things started taking good turns. There came few people like the arch-angels in the name of friends and brother. I was encouraged and helped out in making decisions. I shifted places. My days were getting better. I felt happy and blessed. I gained and lost people. I earned and broke trust. I was loved and being hated. But whatever happened I found myself turned out to be in high spirits. I didn’t regret anything and for anyone. I’ve been trying to start my quest of life. I am working on fulfilling my wishes.

Coming to the end of the year, I take this opportunity to thank every single person who made a huge impact over my life both in good and bad terms. I thank you for various experiences that make me a better person day after day.

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I don’t predict future because my life has never been with a bed of roses and instead it was the thorn that pricks me whenever I tried to have the rose finally leaving me few petals on the struggle. So the perfect year 2013 comes to a perfect end for the imperfect girl. Looking forward for more thorns and roses.

Wishing you all a Very Happy New Year!!!

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Cupid and I

I was listening to Taylor Swift’s “Love story”. Whenever I hear this I happened to remember few good old times I had in my past. And with the sequence comes some bad old memories too stabbing my heart and bleeding me to infinity of death. Whatever it may be this song always stayed in my playlist ever since I’ve heard it the first time. But unfortunately today I seemed to enjoy the song for the song as it is and once it ended I was surprised to find myself being happy.

Surprised by the unrevealed mystery that is lying behind my happiness I started pondering over the conversation I had with my friend earlier that day. I lay down in my bed humming the song I last heard and was deeply immersed in my thoughts when I suddenly noticed a shadow that was quietly approaching me. There wasn’t any kind of hustle with the shadow and I felt like it was actually flying. Bewildered, I turn back to find no one behind me or there wasn’t any sign of an intruder in my room. I sat up straight and looked around the room by closely observing each and every thing that was kept in my room. Everything stayed as before untouched. Surprised by the thought of not having an intruder, I reached the door and bolted it and came back to my bed.

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And now in that dead-silence I was able to sense someone staring at me so close. I gathered up some courage to start the conversation myself.

“Who is it? Is there someone behind me?”

I heard a chuckle. I turned back to see no one. I was terrified and started sweating like hell. At that instance I felt soft breeze caressing my body and making each and every cell in my body rejuvenate. This was a feeling something I had a long back. It felt good though. I now knew who and what they have done to me again.

Yes. It’s the cupid again.

“Hey, cupid! Stop doing this thing to me again. I know it’s you. Why don’t you just stop playing with me once for all?” I screamed as if I was severely wounded.

Relax! I’ve showered goodness for you always and even now I’ve come to do some good to you” said the unseen cupid in a malleable voice.

Goodness? Damn. You must be seriously joking Mr.Cupid” I said with sarcasm filling my voice.

There was a strange silence for few seconds. I had an evil smile which made me happy with the thought that I have proved him wrong. Then I heard the Cupid speaking up.

“Look. Every time I come for giving you love you accepted it happily. But why do you stop me this time alone?”

“Yeah. I was a dumb back then Mr. Cupid. I believed in Love and I believed in you that you would strike hard only when there is real love. But I have failed to understand that you do not choose well in giving your love to people. You merely give it to everyone you find feasible. And it’s because of you I’ve end up with unsuccessful relationships. And now you’ve come all the way again to give me some love for which I am going to regret after few years just like the way I did before. Is this what you are created for?” I busted out in rage.

I could hear a chuckle from his side. It made me more ferocious. I was not making fun here I thought.

“Dear little girl. What do you think my duty is? I find people who are feasible to fall in love and I just strike them hard showering them love and good. Apart from that I have nothing to do with people and their lives. Do you think I am the reason for your unsuccessful relationships in the past? If you think so then you are totally getting me wrong sweetheart.”

“How am I getting you wrong? It’s you who makes us fall in love, remember?” I mumbled.

“Yeah. I make you fall in love. But how am I supposed to be the reason for what happens after that. Now, let’s take your past relationship as an example. You had a crush for this guy. And I thought you were ready for love and I stuck you with love. And the same happened with him. I played the role of heart between you both. But then my work was over. You both were in a relationship for the past 3 years and you’ve come to know that apart from heart you have lots to be shared and accepted in each other and as you were not able to cope with things you ended up in an unsuccessful relationship. Now you blame me for that.”

“Who am I to blame then Mr. Cupid? It was you who made me fall in love before my mind think and act right?”

“Yeah you are right. I don’t allow you to think and act when I play my role. But let me tell you another example of your love. You found a good friend who was so fond of you. I thought you both could make great friends with unconditional love and I stuck playing the role of the heart. And you are still being happy with her friendship and your love for her grows and doesn’t decrease. In this case you have to praise me for throwing love to you. But you don’t praise me and instead you corner me for your unsuccessful relationship. This is the thing that happens all around the globe.”

“What? Are you mad? There’s a lot of difference between friendship and love Mr. Cupid. I hope you better understand that first.”

“My dear girl. I have understood it well. But it’s you the humans who haven’t understood love yet. Do you know why? People just think love is where a guy meets a girl and falls for her and they get into a relationship with a label of LOVE. Just think of your parents who fell in love with you even before you were born. Your brother who loves you from the day he was born and loves you more even after you fight over every silly thing. Your friends who loved you since childhood. Your pet that loves you from the day you bought him. The grandma who is near your home who loves you from the day you started spending some time with her speaking and making her feel loved. The list goes on and you have to understand that it was me who strike all these people every time and made them love you. Love doesn’t end up with a boy-girl relationship sweetie. Love is in the air. Every single breath you take in gives you some love for your life and makes you alive. When there’s no love there won’t be human existence at all.”

“I can understand. But still I wanted you to accept the fact that only the love in a boy-girl relationship gives so much pain. And the other relationships neither break easy nor pain hard too.”

“You are totally wrong. Every relationship has its mighty strength. When you think the other relationships are strong enough then you have unconditional love sustaining there. When there is lack of love in a relationship there enters lack of faith, trust and companionship which leads to an unsuccessful relationship. Once you have failed it doesn’t mean you could stop with that. Love is created to be shown, shared and spread.”

“Maybe you are right. But I don’t have the strength to fall in love with anyone again. It’s just that am scared of failure.”

“I’m right. I haven’t come here for showing you love. You’ve already known it well. So once again getting to know about love is not that hard but it’s in your hands to maintain it or ruin it. I thought you are ready for my arrows and roses one another time and so here I have come with it to strike you. And you would have known that I already did. So never frown for what has happened earlier in your life. Keep showering your love whenever and to whomever possible and never ever expect for the same from them because sometimes I might be yet to strike them. Love showers on your way my girl”

I heard a chuckle again and the shadow was moving towards the window sill. I turned back to see Mr. Cupid and there was no trace of him. Instead I found my friend walking with a bunch of red roses towards my doorsteps.

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