I was heavily drenched with sweat all over my body when i woke up. It was unusal of me getting dreams and on recent days am getting encountered with nightmares. Not knowing the exact reason, of the entirely different place am staying that creeps me out during night making me feel like am trying to sleep in the middle of a forest which is filled with weird noises from various insects whose names are even not able to be identified by me by keeping me awake most of the time or the issues that am dealing in my life in the recent days that affects both my physical and mental well-being, i was lying there wide awake trying to recall the sequence of the nightmare that i was living in before few minutes. I failed in remembering asusual.
Washing away the unwanted thoughts aside, i began getting ready for college. I don’t find going to college interesting these days. I prefer staying at home and moreover i prefer staying alone at home instead of roaming around the college alone where once i used to have happier days with my so called friends. But time changes and so do people. I’ve changed a lot since the past few weeks.
Am not used to go out for shopping alone but i have discovered that in times of despair shopping that too shopping all alone by myself makes me feel good by giving me the confidence that i could atleast be able to do something on my own for my own self.
And the most difficult thing which i haven’t even given a single thought of doing all these years has taught me that its not that hard doing it. It’s going to the college cafeteria or some restaurant alone to fill my hungrystomach. In the beginning it was too hard even to chew the food and thus i forced myself in swallowing it. But as days passed by i found there’s no big offense in taking time to chew the food trying to enjoy the simple taste and aroma of it and also watching the people around you and not minding the unusual stares of some known people who doesn’t have a clue of me being alone.
I have recently completed reading “The Forty Rules of Love” by Elif Shafak. I took hardly around 3 full months to complete this book. Not because i was not interested in this book or its contents but i was not having concentration in whatever i do and thus it kept me dragging and atlast i have completed the book last week. I am thankful to my friend who insisted me to read this book. If it has not been insisted, i might have missed one of the biggest fortune in my life.
Yeah. This book is actually a fortune for a person like me who is easily broken with every single downfall that life offers. But once with the completion of the book i was spellbound and i was able to associate myself and the various situations of my life with the Forty Rules that is given by Shams of Tabriz. With my current situation i would like to associate myself with the sixth rule of Shams.
“Loneliness and solitude are two different things. When you are lonely, it is easy to delude yourself into believing that you are on the right path. Solitude is better for us, as it means being alone without feeling lonely. But eventually it is the best to find a person who will be your mirror. Remember only in another person’s heart can you truly see yourself and the presence of God within you”
The slightest changes of my life happens whenever i read each inspiring book. With this book and with the rules of shams i have been trying to keep myself in solitude instead of being merely lonely. And eventually according to Shams its better to find a person who will be your mirror, i guess i haven’t found anyone yet who is like my mirror and also seeking such qualities in a person seems to be a lot easier said than done according to me. Who knows? Even this thought of me might get changed when i come accross such a person where i can truely see myself in his/her heart. For now, with a very few good, supporting and lovable people around me i’m trying to enjoy my solitude instead of frowning over the unpleasant happenings with the people i loved.
I would like to end up this post with Shams seventh rule.
“Whatever happens in your life, no matter how troubling things might seem, do not enter the neighbourhood of despair. Even when all doors remain closed, God will open up a new path only for you. Be thankful! It is easy to be thankful when all is well. A Sufi is thankful not only for what he has been given but also for all that he has been denied”
Though am not a Sufi i could simply be thankful as a human being. And thanks to Elif Shafak for giving out such an excellent work which inspires people like me to get to know the legends like Rumi and Shams and learning a lot by travelling along their path.