Birthday

Celebrating the silver jubilee of my birthday!

Hiya guys!

You could have guessed what this post is all about.  Yes. It’s just 6 more days to go for me to turn 26years. So it’s a post for summarizing the whole 25 years of my life on this earth.

Just before few hours I received a text from a friend of mine telling me to treat him for I am going to celebrate the successful completion of my 25 years.  Haha yeah I should actually do that by throwing a party but I don’t know what could I probably choose to tell as a reason for celebration.

Should I say that I have achieved something?  Nah. That would be a big fat lie.
Or should I say that I have at least made something remarkable for someone to remember me? Hmm yeah maybe.  But I bet that’s not gonna be in a positive way either.

So that is what hinders me from celebrating my birthdays be it 25th or whatever.  But after thinking over these I started making a list of the have’s and have not’s of mine after all these successful 25years. Let me just list down those for you 🙂

HAVE’S:

1. I do have few people around me who I think really cares about me at least to say “I Love You” whether they really mean it or not.

2. I now have a life of my own to decide upon like how am going to live.

3. I have some courage to face the problems however tougher it maybe by still surviving.

4. I have a DSLR, which is keeping me feel lively with its help in making me take better pictures and to make people notice me.

5. I have a big deal of confidence that am not gonna die sooner leaving me no choice than to make my living with some career which I haven’t chosen yet.

6. I have few books which makes me think and make few changes to my thoughts about everything in and around me. I learn something from each book I read and the question is do I follow it. But for that I’ll have to write another post which can be done later 😉

7. I do have a passion for crafting and writing which is yet to be improvised a lot.

So as far my analysis I have o ly these 7 important things in my life.  So let’s look for the have not’s.

HAVE NOT’S:

1. I don’t have my father with me which is my biggest loss of my life and am still working on it to set everything right without his help, but the truth hits hard sometimes by proving that I need help from my father.  But lets never mind because that’s not gonna happen anyhow.

2. I don’t have a guide to lead me, which is why I go wrong making mistakes over and over all my life.

3. I don’t have a good rapport with the people who actually love’s me. Somehow I mess things up, though how hard I try to retain a relationship I end up breaking it myself. I sometimes prefer to be alone rather being with someone and ending up hurting them.

4. I don’t have the boldness to speak out what I think. It leaves me being a stupid all my life.

5. I don’t have the ability to take a decision that is supported by at least few. Or the ability to convince people to accept my decisions.

6. I don’t have an exact idea of how many people love’s me and how many don’t. 

7. I don’t have a job or a clear career prospect as of now.

8. I don’t have any savings of my own. Though money and other materialistic things can be earned or not earned which doesn’t concerns me much, I still need to save a lot of money to fulfill my goal.

9. I don’t have a group of friends to hang out with or understanding relatives to share my thoughts with or spend some family time. I find everyone looking for something to get for themselves which makes me stay away from most of them.

10. I haven’t made my mother proud of me even once in her lifetime and instead I have let her down a lot.

11. I don’t have the confidence or positive attitude just like people refer to me as ‘a girl of negative thoughts’.

12. I don’t have a proper place to sit in silence for hours or cry out loud to vent out my feelings which makes me feel more stressed out. 

13. Finally,  I don’t have trust on people even if they are trying to be nice due to the insecured thoughts which doesn’t allow me to love people anymore the way I used to do in my early life. Just because of few bad experiences.

So the have not’s have exceeded the count of the have’s as usual 😉

But from this new year eve I have tried to make few changes to myself which may be seen by the next year. Until then let me not keep on speak over the have not’s in which few can be changed too 🙂

With this post what I meant to say is, I haven’t done anything to celebrate my silver jubilee for my birthday and it’s going to be just another passing day of my life.

No celebration. No parties. No treats. :-p

But ready to accept all your heartfelt wishes on this 25th birthday 🙂

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Bicentennial thoughts!

Its 7th of March… By now each year right from my childhood I would be excited over the forthcoming day with bigger expectations and butterflies flying constantly over my whole body and a restless-sleepless night for the big day… Yeah… Am speaking of about my BIRTHDAY… I was born on 8th of March which I found later to be WOMEN’S DAY too which offered me a double -treat. My birthday’s were never a cheerful one nor a gloomy one and its resolved to be stabilized with a kind of nostalgic feeling over the whole day all through my life and I was not able to make out the reason for it even now and finally fixed it that it’s all my thoughts that makes my day good or bad.

So I planned of presenting my vivid and murky thoughts on the Birthdays I have spent all these years 🙂

March 8th 1988:

I was born in a Private hospital with 2kg weight and all that happened is everyone out there were freaking out looking at me. Guess what? They all had various reasons and individual thoughts for freaking out. But I could sense out their mind voices like:

Father’s Mom (Grandmother) – “Bapprae… It’s a girl baby… I expected it to be a boy baby… Worthless soul”

Mother’s Mom (Grandmother) – “Thank god! Both the mother and the child are alive… It’s a god’s miracle for this child still being alive after so much of physical weakness of her mother”

Uncle & Aunt – “Hey look at the child… How could a child be like this… I haven’t seen one with so tiny physic and wrinkled skin like an old lad… There might be some problem with this newborn I guess”

Relatives – “Oh God… Why does this baby has to be a girl… It would be better if it’s a boy… How is she gonna grow up a girl child alone with her husband died of accident… God must help her…”

Mother – “Thank god! The baby is fine… And thanks to you my dear for helping us be alive today… I vow to bring this child well and bring in glory to your name… Do rest in peace my dear husband”

Doctor – “Hey all… Stop pouring out your remarks… I need to take this baby to ICU as she’s under-weighted and struggling for breathing… If-not she will never survive… It’ll take around a week to make this baby all hale and hearty…”

March 8th 1991:

I was all dressed up in a white frock and looked like an angel (no no please cool down guys… Just for an example) with a box filled with toffee chocolates and two unopened packet of same chocolates and full of smiles…

I was in my kinder garden and it was my first birthday with so much of people around me gathered for a birthday song in the prayer hall… (It’s a custom in my school to sing a birthday song for the Birthday Babes after the prayer is over)

March 8th 1992-1999

I would probably get a new dress for my birthday and I used to wear it with full cheer and carry chocolates with my face full of teeth to each of my friends in the class and teachers by bunking half a day to distribute sweets to all the teachers in my school… I would be the princess of that day with all those wishes and blessings from everyone…

And at home needless to say I will be paid off well with money from every member of the family… You know I would fall in each of their feet on my birthday not for blessings but for the money they would give me… And I also used to get few memorable presents from my dear friends…

March 8th 2000:

I was in my 10th grade and just then I realized one biggest thing in my life which changed my life a lot… Every year I used to pressure my mother to buy me a new dress for my birthday with a chocolate kept fixed in my mind right from December itself… I didn’t think it’s a bad habit…

But on this particular birthday I was wearing a fancy salwar with all those embroidery works and was carrying my box full of chocolates and was ready for my usual session of distributing to each and every one. But then I realized that it was the day one of my new classmate Ranjani’s birthday too… But I found her in school uniform with no change. I was puzzled… And even many don’t know it’s her birthday… When I went up to the stage for birthday song, I found her standing down in the corridor with other students and singing the birthday song for me.

After that I started my usual distribution and in the lunch break once I got free I found her eating some curd rice as if that day got nothing to do with her. So I went up to her and asked for the reason. But she said as she forgot that it was her birthday. I was not in a mood to argue with her that time as I was about to share some special lunch with all with sweets. So I left it as it is.

But after few days on some sudden occasion I was enquiring about her and there came the answer as “she was from a poor family and her parents were not able to buy her new clothes or sweets for her birthday from childhood and though she would feel like wearing new dress and distributing sweets like others she was laid back to be without any of these due to her family situation”…

Hearing this I felt really bad and was not able to reply her anything and I felt how much my so-called-birthday-celebration that day might have bothered her little heart. So then I realized that I must no wear new dress on my birthday and celebrate like I did all these years never knowing how this would have hurt so many little hearts like Ranjani’s.

So I did followed this and I haven’t even asked my mother for a new dress or chocolates or cakes for birthday and stopped having so much dreams over that day from December… But as my friends knew that it was my birthday they will present me with gifts and wanted me to offer them sweets so I used to give them a diary milk each and treat in the school canteen. But that day I gave two chocolates and a special gift to my friend Ranjani and I would treat her especially for she is one important person for a biggest change in my life…

March 8th 2001-2011:

My life has totally changed to a different atmosphere after the schooling… I went for my graduation where the celebrations might be different with midnight calls for birthday wishes and friends buying a cake for the birthday babe and we all get-together into an empty class for cake-cutting-ceremony with all the galattas, getting punishments from staffs, giving treat to friends and so on… But though I had all these I would be sure not to wear a costly dress for my birthday and to be simple on that day so that it would not hurt any of my friend’s feelings.

And after that in my job also the same cake-cutting-thing happens but this milieu is totally different and I guess I was happier spending my birthday with my friends rather than my colleagues and I even feel shy for all these celebrations but it’s an unavoidable one as the management rule is like that to celebrate for all…

March 8th 2012:

Gone are those days of sunshine and cheer and left are the days of panic and dreary birthdays… It’s all because OH MY GOD…. I AM GETTING OLDER AND NO MORE A BABY OR KID OR A DAUGHTER…

It’s time to take up a new road in my life’s path… It’s going to be hard though but it’s the usual path all the girl child needs to choose by destiny… So better to get ready for a cheerful future… And not knowing what this birthday has kept for me in the stadium, yet I am ready to wait for looking over it… A NEW YEAR WITH NEWER HOPES…

Happy Birthday Sissy!!!

Hiya!!! Its my little sissy birthday 🙂 🙂 🙂 This year is a bit special as she turns 17 on the day 17 😀 

 

 

Eyes sparkling like the stars of the night

Your smile holds the warmth of the sun
A heart filled with love, always knowing what’s right;
With a spirit of joy and of fun.

Your eyes seem to see, and your heart always feels,
The needs of each person you see,
How blessed I have been, to have a sister like you;
……How fortunate you are to have me !!!  :o)
(Sorry Sis, I couldn’t resist)

Sis, You have made so much of my life “Heaven On Earth”.
Thank you….For being YOU

Hope your Birthday is as wonderful as YOU are…

P.S: We are not near this b’day and i miss you so much 😦 But still our love for each other keeps on growing till our soul do us apart 😀 Love you dear little sissy 🙂 This year you are turning 17 🙂 Yay! Another year of joy and bliss on your way 🙂 Cheers! Have fun my dear 😀