Management

Memo Degredation

Memo from CEO to Manager:


Today at 11 o’clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is
when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is
something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for
employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in
the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing
the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will
be made available at a small cost.

Memo from Manager to Department Head:


Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will
be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for two
minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The
CEO will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some
information. This is not something that can be seen every day. 

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:


The CEO will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for
two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that cannot be
seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven.
This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor:


Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the CEO will
eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn’t happen every day. It will
be safe, and as usual it will cost you.

Memo from Supervisor to staff:


Some staff will go to the car park today to see the CEO disappear.
It is a pity this doesn’t happen everyday.

Courtesy:

http://www.digitaldreamdoor.com/pages/quotes/business_jokes.html

Management speak – Meaning

I have always wondered what does a management course really does? In reality when you need to start a  business all you wanted is the experience and the technical know-how of that business in specific. But does management course help it in anyway? Am not sure of the answer. 

According to me i feel its not the only way to be a successful entrepreneur. Apart from these bookish knowledge and learning we need lots more to develop in ourselves when our vision is to become an entrepreneur. Does all the management schools educate the extra curricular talents which is vital for managing a business? The answer is a big NO.

Whatsoever may the type of education be all the teach is theoretical knowledge which will not be striking while we are in need of taking a business decision. The practical appliance of any theory might make it useful in business. 

MBA is one of the most like-able course for the students these days as they dream of being a manager or so called Business Magnet once they come out of their college. This thought must be totally eradicated from the minds of the students and all they want to fix in their mind is they are into a workshop to learn out their technical theories to apply in business and even in their life. But life cannot be lead totally over calculations and theories. 🙂 

So people, when you are opting for a management course do get a part-time job in your specialized field so that once you finish your course you might have gained some experience in starting your own business as such. This kind of task might avoid time consuming  process as the time is valuable. 🙂 🙂 🙂 

Below are few of the often used management speaks which portrays a different meaning in a funny way and yet it’s in a thoughtful manner too 🙂

Management Speak: That’s a good question.
Meaning: I don’t have a good answer.

Management Speak: You have to show your flexibility.
Meaning: You have to do it whether you want to or not.

Management Speak: I don’t totally disagree with you.
Meaning: You may be right, but I don’t care.

Management Speak: We’re going to follow a strict methodology here.
Meaning: We’re going to do it my way.

Management Speak: Empower.
Meaning: Freely blame your subordinates for your problems.

Management Speak: I’d like your buy in on this.
Meaning: I want someone else to blame when this thing bombs.

Management Speak: I’m not saying no, but I’m certainly not saying yes.
Meaning: No.

Management Speak: The system has to be flexible.
Meaning: We don’t know what the hell we want.