Love

An act!!!

I stepped out of my apartment gate and the sun blazed into my eyes making me literally blind for a few seconds. Ahhh… Chennai and its weather! I shrugged. I managed to keep my eyes open and started walking towards the near by super market which i have noticed on my way home yesterday evening.

As i entered the super market i could find the cold air caressing my body and i felt heavenly that very instance. It was a big and spacious supermarket with seperate depatrments for all the items that has been neatly displayed. I went straight into the groceries department and started filling my trolly with the grocery items. After a solid half-an-hour i was finished up with the groceries and wheeled the trolly for billing where a huge queue was waiting and i joined them.

While i was waiting, i heared someone calling my name and i turned over to my back to check who it was. There i found Johnson standing with his hands crossed accross his chest and a smile that lingered over his lips. I was shell-shocked. I haven’t thought i would meet him again after 5 long years.

“Hey Anu! How have you been all these years? Hope you remember me?”

“Johnson! Hey… I do remember you well and it isnt that easy to forget a person like you actually. And i am damn good. You could see it by yourself”

“Yeah i can”

“And by the way what are you doing up here in a supermarket? You live nearby?”

“Hmmm i live in Shenoy nagar as my kid’s school is over there and i own this supermarket. Just came for a short visit to check on things. Have you finished with your purchase?”

“Yeah, waiting for billing. And that’s great to know its your supermarket. I recently shifted to my new apartment in the next street and so i didnt get know about it. By the way, am sorry about your wife, i heard it from our friends. How’s your kid? What’s his name?”

“That’s okay Anu. We have been much better in the recent days. His name is Danny and he’s is fine too. I have to pick him from school in few minutes. I need to rush. Sorry i couldn’t speak much and its nice meeting you after all these years. Keep in touch. Here, have my card.”

“The pleasure is mine Johnson. Take care both of you. I’ll call you soon. Drop by my apartment when you are free and dont forget to bring Danny. “

“Sure, i will Anu. Bye-bye”

“See you soon”

I watched Johnson rushing towards the parking and pulling out his Volkswogan and racing it towards the road. There i stand in dead-silence after that brief conversation with Johnson. I didnt know what was i feeling right that moment. Am i sad for his current situation or happy for meeting him after some long years or surprised to see him being so kind or shocked to find himself changed into a new person whom i havent seen back then when i was doing my graduation with him. I didnt actually know.

My mind raced back to my memory lane fetching few memories of Johnson during my college days. Johnson was like the hero of our college back then. He was 6 feet tall with an athletic body and had an attractive profile for which the girls went crazy over him. He had sharp eyes which would pass through you which will be filled with self-confidence and it makes people have a high regard for him. Usually when he enters the college, right from the watchman to the Principal would treat him with respect though he never cared about it much. He was always found with a cigar in his lips outside the campus and i used to think that smoking makes men look mannish especially when it comes to a person like Johnson.

He rarely visits the classrooms and he was always found with a group of followers who follow where ever he moves around the college. He used to organize all the events in the college with such an ease. He is well known among various colleges for his extra-curricular activities, as he is a writer, orator and a dancer, by winning various trophy’s for the college on his behalf. Though he never attends any theory classes he still managed to get through the exams.

After my completion of graduation, i got the invitation for his marriage which I was not able to attend due to my change of work place. It was an arranged marriage by his family with some girl from some village. I was puzzled how he was able to stay away from the cluster of girls who were fascinated and completely in mesmerized in love for him and marry a girl from a village of his parents choice. I thought that was the kind of respect he had for his family and that made him stand away from usual guys who take up the available chances of messing up with girls during college days. After 2 years a mutual friend of ours delivered a news that his wife was expired in a car accident leaving back the new born boy child. I felt sad for his situation.

Its been 2 years i have heard about him. And here i stand after seeing him all changed. He has become so lean and he is growing beard which makes him look older than his age. He seems so calm and his voice is soft and his eyes filled with an unsaid pain. I thought he would have opted for a second marriage having a little kid, which most of the men in our society does. But i am surprised to see him taking care of his son all by himself and he doesnt complain over that and instead he seem to be happy doing this. I was totally lost in my thoughts about Johnson when i heared the guy in the counter calling for billing my things.

I billed and paid the amount and started back home. I realized that i was left with a heavy heart that evening. I had a thought that men look into their own happiness and get themselves married to another women once their first wife expired leaving back a small kid. And mostly the kids fall to be the reason for men getting married. Johnson proved to be different right from the day i met him in my college till this second leaving me speechless with his acts.

I believe Danny would have a happy life with his father Johnson. *Sigh*

Someone worth living for…

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Mithra!!!

“Hey you! What’s got into you Mithra?” Vinu shook Mithra harder which made her come back to her senses.

“Uh… What Vinu?” asked Mithra in a weary voice

“Not again! It’s already 6 pm and our cab would leave in another 10 minutes. Do you have an idea to catch the cab?” shrugged Vinu.

“Have to catch it for sure Vinu. Am sorry I got held up with my thoughts. Come on lets go”

Both of them rushed towards the big hallway climbing down the steps and came to the parking area where they found their cab was ready to leave.

They got into the cab and it started moving swiftly with some Hindi track playing in the tape. Mithra slightly bent towards the window and took deep breaths of air. She felt quiet comforting. Her mind drifted away to the day she had that conversation with Nithin.

They had a misunderstanding and it turned out to an argument very fast. Mithra found that they are going too far and so she just left without another word to make the argument to a stop.

It’s been a week since they both had the argument and neither nithin nor mithra spoke. They kept silent.

Mithra felt that silence doesn’t make the situation turn out any better. So she has decided to talk to nithin once she gets back to home. But she was hesitated and not knowing how to start the conversation, she was thinking over it the whole day which made her lost in her thoughts.

It’s been an hour of travel and finally she got down in her home. The cab dropped her and rushed through the busy road.

Mithra took out the keys from her handbag and reached out for the door and she found someone calling her name. She turned back and saw nithin leaning over her apartment grill with his ever lovable smile.

Mithra couldn’t believe her own eyes and mumbled some words in joy.

“Hey mithu… don’t get startled… am back!!!”

“Huh.. When did you come here? Why didn’t you call me? Are you so mad at me?… “

“Hey hey hey relax babes… how long are you gonna make me wait at your door steps? Aren’t you gonna let me in?

“Oh am really sorry! Come in” saying she unlocked her apartment door.

Nithin sat over the sofa and made himself comfortable while mithra was standing at the door and watching him.

“Hey baby doll… come na why do you stand there and stare at me as if I’ve did some crime”

“No nithin. It’s not a crime but still you have done something that you shouldn’t have and u know that it would hurt me”

“Yeah mithu… am really really sorry for that and now am here for your apology.” Saying he stood from the sofa and came near her.

She felt so warm having him around her and she couldn’t resist crying. Tears rolled over her eyes and as she closed her eyes to hide it, the tear rolled over her cheeks and landed up in nithin’s hand.

“Baby please.. Stop crying na. I know it’s my mistake and I don’t want to do it again and this 1 week of silence between us already killed half of my soul and don’t try killing the remaining with your tears. “ saying he wiped her tears.

“And hey as I said earlier u still look beautiful when you cry” said nithin winking his eyes.

Mithra couldn’t say a word but she managed just to say “thanks for coming this far to give this compliment nithin”

“Hey do you think I came for just giving you this compliment. I ve come for getting apology from my princess and guess what you have a surprise”

“Surprise? What is it nithin?”

He took out a picture of her with her parents framed in broad silver with miniature art works embraced over it.

OMG!!! That’s really a hell of a surprise and thanks a ton nithin. But how did you managed to get this picture?”

“I got it from your parents”

“What? When did you go to my parents place? And why didn’t you say me?”

“Baby, I am sorry that I was quiet pissed off that day and when you were saying that you missed your parents picture I was not that interested in hearing your worries and I yelled at you for worrying over a picture. But then once you stopped your argument and moved away I suddenly felt that I was hit hard by the reality of what I have done to you. And am really sorry for what I said and I do know how much that picture meant for you. So I thought of straightening up things and thus I went to your hometown to get the picture of you and your parents and now am here with it”

Mithra felt relieved at once hearing that because she had a thought that nothing didn’t really notice how much she loved her parents and how much she missed them around her by working some 10,000 miles away from them. She could not speak but still she hugged him with tears flowing through her eyes and wetting his shirt.

“I love you mithu and I promise I wouldn’t hurt you anymore”

“I love you too nithin”

And that’s when nithin played the song of Shayne ward in his tab…

 

I don’t wanna leave you here all by yourself

I just wanna let you know I’m there for you,

Like no one else

I don’t wanna drift off to another place

I just wanna lay here in your arms, with your hand on my face…

So lets not ever tell the moon about the Sun

I’ll keep hearing love songs, hoping every wrongs undone

It’s foolish, buy we’ve only just begun

I don’t wanna stop this; all my walls are cavin’ in

 

I wanna give you something worth living for

Oh yeah

I wanna tell you this and so much more

My everything, my universe

 

I’m so mesmerized by your serenity

Hopefully you’ll take me there, inside your dreams

Just like autumn leaves I’m falling over you

It’s so unbelievable, but you, so true…

 

Our imperfections are so beautiful right now

I don’t even see them, only diamonds now, remain

Its crazy how without making sound

You can make me feel things; all my walls are cavin’ in

 

I wanna give you something worth living for

Oh yeah

You’re something worth living for…

 

Cards and Memories!

I was asked to take some book for my sister, which I had bought it long time back which is kept in the attic. I have a habit of examining my attic every single time I search something for. And this time too there was no change. This time I happened to see few of my memories which were kept safe.

Greeting cards are some special gifts which a special person gives to us. And once I thought of gifting a card is of no use as its not going to give that special person the memories of me. But after few years I found the truth that greeting cards are the way we can find the love we had on others and vice versa. When we happen to look at the cards we could remember all those faded and even some hidden memories of us with that special person who has gifted us. The words in those cards mean a lot to us and we keep on reading those over again and again.

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Even I found some of my greeting cards in which there are few cards given to me by some special persons. I was not able to take my eyes off few cards which gave me a nostalgic feeling bringing back all the good and bad old memories associated with those special people.

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This was given to me by my lovable sister when we had a fight once and I still don’t remember the reason for that fight. i was totally disappointed and angry at my sister and I reduced speaking as before and at that time she thought of bringing the fight to an end and thus gave me this card J I just loved this card and I immediately started smiling thinking over the stupid fight we had few days before. I still had that smile on my lips seeing this greeting 🙂

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This was the greeting send by my brother when he was working in Hydrebad and USA… I didn’t understand why he sent this turtle picture on that time but when I see nowadays I could associate it with my slow and lethargic behaviors… And I just loved this other greeting which I was having in my school bag for about a year showing it to my friends often and exclaiming about the love my brother had for me. And now when I see this I still smile over my actions even though there are some wounds beneath my heart about my brother 🙂

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And these were given by my so-called-once-a-best-friend of mine and she was the one who gave me greeting card on every single occasion which would make me feel so special. Though we were not able to continue our true-friendship I still feel excited and happy seeing her cards wishing that we were still the same little girls who were so mad in our friendship 🙂

CARDS ARE THE LOOP HOLES OF VISITING OUR PAST 🙂

 

Silly pleas of a naive…

“Ma I feel like I’ve got fever”

“Ma I feel like vomiting”

“Ma I have severe stomach ache”

“Ma I feel dizzy”

And the list of my Silly plea’s gets extended each and every day until I have completed my 10th grade at school. I was a below average student until my 10th grade and I was the best example of a student who wants to get away from that student life which was considered to be a HELL by most of the students and myself as well.

The above given are few reasons or excuses I would quiet often give my mother in order to stay at home. But who might not know about us and our silly excuses. My mother was such a clever women who would never make me take leave on even special occasions.

“Its ok dear. I’ll give u tablet for fever and you’ll be okay in a fraction of minute”

“Oh… Is it so… Don’t worry betti… I’ll give the kashayam and you won’t ever feel vomiting”

These are the instant answers she might have for making me stop acting and go off to school the next second as am not really interested in taking medicines and some kashayam’s which would taste like some mud.

Apart from these there are so many silly reasons I have said to my mother, and when I get to remember those now, I can’t stop laughing over my innocence and stupidity.

Once I was asked to get something from my relative who lives in the next street. And I reached their home around 11 in the morning. They have two kids and me being a girl who loves to play was so happy seeing them and forgot the reason why I went there and instead I started playing with them. The time rolled over and it was around 2 in the afternoon when my mother came to their home searching for me. That’s it. I was into a big shock seeing my mother because only then I remembered the reason I have went there. The next minute I started crying with fear and ran towards her saying “Ma, they only made me to play with them. I was not at all playing, I was simply looking at them play” like that and lots more silly blah blah’s which my mother was least cared of listening to those. And you might have guessed the beatings and scolding’s I would have got from my lovable mother.

Many such silly plea’s are stored in each and every single of our memories making those moments a treasure chest to be kept safe throughout our lives… But we are grown up and these days there are no silly plea’s instead there is lies, hatred, commands and arguments which makes every single of our relationship like a wrecked ship. And everyone of us are searching for ways of handling our relationships and guess we would get the answers soon.

Have a lovely week ahead with your dear and near ones 🙂 

HAKUNA MATATA!!!

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HAKUNA MATATA means NO WORRIES…

I use this phrase very often in my life when I still knew that there is no life without worries…

Every person has to live their life irrespective of whatever happens in their life…

When I used to be a child I don’t think I would have any worries… But when I think deep I could realize that I too was worried about various instances like losing my pencil, crying for a Barbie doll, starting up silly fights with our friends etc.,But these worries make us smile whenever we think about it.. If all our worries could make us smile one day which makes us to cherish our memories how pleasant it would be…

Though we think of having such sweet memories of worries we still have some painful worries which will turn out to be haunting memories when we recollect them… I have one such worry which still stays the same or even gets increased whenever I think of it… I was in my 6th grade… I was in my first day of class when my new class teacher introduced herself and asked each and every student in the class to get introduced with basic information’s. All my friends were saying about their name, their parents name, what is their parents occupation and where they are coming from. When it was my turn I just started off with my name, my mom’s name, my uncles name, what my mom is doing, what my uncle is doing that’s when the teacher stopped me and said,

“Child, you must also include your father’s name and occupation so that we could get to know him too”

I was really puzzled like what I have to say and how to say because all I knew about a father is that his name and that I don’t have one.

“Miss, I don’t have father, I dono where he is because my mother said he expired. I only know my uncle, my mother, grandmother and aunt” I said.

I think the teacher understood what I was trying to say, so she passed on to the next student without any further questions. But I was not able to let it go off so easily. Till my 5th grade none of my teachers used to ask me anything about my father and so I had no chance of thinking about him. And when my friends speak about their father I always remember speaking about my uncle. As I had my uncle I didn’t worry much about not having a father. But then I understood that I am a grownup girl and I have to get to know about my father. Since then I was trying to investigate about my father at my home every now and then by asking about my father to my grandma who only speaks about him to me as the others never speak off him thinking I would start yearning for his love. Though I asked many questions to my grandma she answered only a few which was not enough for me.

“Grandma, where is my dad?”

“He is in heaven baby”

Why he went there?”

“Because God wanted him to be with him so he took him”

“But we also want dad na? I always find my friend’s father’s dropping them at school, buying them all they need. But only uncle or mom drops me or buy me what I need. I also want dad to buy and give me toys na? God doesn’t have his own dad huh?”

“No dear. A good person always goes soon to God to serve him. Whatever you need you just ask us because your father left you with us to do all the things he needs to do”

“Will my dad look like Lord Ganesha?”

“No dear. But you can always find you dad’s presence near Lord Ganesha”

Though I have seen my parent’s wedding album after my 10th grade I used to think of him every single time when I pray Lord Ganesha. I felt happy and even proud that only my dad got the chance to stay near God while others dad where not able to go and I haven’t said this to anyone though.

We find our self more innocent in our childhood days once when we grow up. What once we thought of a gift turns out to be a terrible pain by hitting us with the reality harder than we think.

When I was growing I slowly realized that I was a girl who’s father expired 3 months before her birth by getting all kinds of curse’s from the merciless world for being born with her father killed. Every relative I knew knowingly or unknowingly blamed me for my father’s death which made me think me as a murderer. At this time I also lost my grandma who used to speak with me about my father. I had no courage to go and ask my mother about this thinking she would be worried.

But an incident before few days made me heart-breaking. My dad’s big brother fell sick and expired due to unhealthy diet. When I went for the funeral every single person who came there saw me and expressed their grief in the same manner saying “You lost your father before your birth. But how unlucky, you lost your uncle too now”… The truth is my uncle doesn’t even care about me or my mother till his death which I was surprised to find not even a single person could understand.

Above all my aunt (my passed away uncle’s wife) started crying when she saw me saying “you killed your father and now see you have also killed your uncle. What is my family going to do without your uncle?”

I was into a great shock. How on earth could I be the reason for killing my dad and my uncle? My dad met with an accident unfortunately and my uncle had very bad eating habits which was the real reasons. But still I had to take the blame of killing two people in my family which makes me feel real bad.

When such things have to happen in our life only then we are not able to digest the phrase “HAKUNA MATATA” because though we think of not letting any worries stay in our mind or letting the worries go off there are some worries which creates a painful memory in our heart making us remember these moments or worries every single minute of our life.

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But still I try to get out of these by uttering this phrase very often. And it is my wallpaper in my mobile and lap too with a hope off making my worries into NO WORRIES…

HAKUNA MATATA!!!